Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #9

I am getting really good at the whole not snacking thing now.  I am getting even better at trying to be good and being more healthy choice conscious.  You may not think so when you see my food diary’s but I know my usual patterns and how stressful my life is right now, with the recent funeral and moving house.  It would usually be so much worse.

Sundays

We attend church, usually two services, morning and evening.  More recently we’ve just been managing to get to one with everything that has been going on and just pure exhaustion.  I miss it though, I LOVE church, it is one of my most favourite places to be.  I serve on the music team singing vocals.  This means when I’m rostered on an early start.  I have to set off at 8:30 to be there for 8:45 ready to sound check at 9am.  Not too bad, but when it’s the one day of the week society tells you ‘you can have a lie in’ and you’re up at 6 trying to get everything done and all four children showered and dressed nicely, as well as fed before you leave, it can seem a rush.  Most weeks we feed the children and the hubby and I forget to eat Sunday morning.  This week I had a Vi shake, they are a meal replacement shake that contain all the nutrients that you need.  So…

Breakfast – Vi Shake

Lunch – mince, carrots, potatoes, onions, courgettes and mushroom stew that had been placed in the slow cooker by my helpful mother whilst we were packing up to move the day before.  I had two small bowls full and 4 *i know* pieces of buttered bread with it.

I had determined that this was perfectly acceptable as I’d rather be full with bread and stew than snack on other rubbish, and I was fully intending to consume another vi shake for my evening meal.  However…

Dinner – Chinese takeout *oops* our friends came round who have recently had a new baby boy ‘Rowan’ how cute.  We offered them some of our abundant stew but they have been receiving meals from friends in their church and told us they were sick of stew and would prefer take out.  So we ordered a take out.  It was one of those times where I genuinely joined in to be sociable but even as I’m typing this now I know they were close enough friends that they wouldn’t have been offended if I hadn’t eaten with them.  I could’ve had another bowl of stew or even my intended vi shake and they wouldn’t have thought twice about it.  However, I had half a portion of boiled rice with the Mr, those chips that I really, really need to stop ordering, and a chicken curry.  I ate a handful of prawn crackers and one of the free portion of salt and pepper chicken wings.

I have decided this week I’m not going to weigh myself until the end of the week.  Let’s see how this affects my mindset and how I get on….

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #7

I didn’t weigh myself yesterday, not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I wanted to see how detrimental my night at the Indian had been, but I was just so busy packing and driving home etc. it didn’t get done.  Probably just would’ve depressed me anyways.  

Here’s what I ate :

Breakfast

Two pieces of toast with extremely salted butter (the inlaws)

Lunch

Cheese and ham sandwiches as made by the mother in law for our car journey

Dinner

After all that driving, I ventured out in the evening to collect our parcels from various depots with my ID etc.  I just took the documents I needed though, and only when I arrived to collect something healthy to much like a roast chicken and some salad from Morrisons did I realise I didn’t have my bank card with me *fail*.  I just went home and informed the hubby, I would not be venturing out again as I was exhausted.  So, it was the hubby’s choice and we ordered a kebab.  I had a plain chicken kebab.  The only thing naughty was the garlic sauce I had on it, and the bread overload I ended up consuming by default.  I deliberately didn’t order any naan or chips this time *wink*, see I’m learning.

Snacks

I pretty much resisted, my husband was consuming a pack of sour cream and chive snack a jacks (you know, the crisp effort ones) and I had four of those.  Not bad going for a day full of driving.  We resisted any food or snacks when we stopped at services.  Just had strong coffee!!

Drinks

A bit cheeky, I had 2 vanilla macchiato’s with an extra shot of espresso in each one when we stopped at services.  I also consumed water, and some ocean spray cranberry juice.  Still off the coca cola!!!

Hoping when I weigh myself for the next post it’s a positive result, but the objective is just to keep going!!

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #5

Today I awoke at my in-laws with a funeral ahead of me.  It was bizarre, we all wanted to give our best and it was like we were getting ready to go to a wedding.  The hubby dashed out at 9am to the nearest barbers to get his hair cut.  We all wanted to look our best for Richard.  I said I wouldn’t weigh myself whilst we were away, but my in-laws have some good digital scales, so after my shower I wondered if the day before (fish and chips) had done much damage.  

133.4kg’s, 1.3kg loss again.  I felt spurred on to keep being as good as I could.  4 crumpets with butter were consumed for breakfast (I was VERY hungry), lunch was 2 tiny finger sandwiches of ham and lettuce at the wake, with 2 mini scones covered in strawberries and cream.  I resisted the Haribo favours I had made two days previous and the multiple biscuits on offer.

After the crematorium we returned to my husband’s auntie and uncle’s (the parents of our lost loved one) and what hadn’t been consumed at the funeral parlour were being passed out again (biscuits/scones).  I managed to resist but when we got in the car to return to the in-laws I told my husband I needed to eat something before I carried out the binge that my body (and nerves) were so desperately craving.  I was hungry but had been resisting filling that void with rubbish.

I had some toast when we arrived back in and then for dinner, my mother in law had put a delicious steak casserole in the slow cooker.  It was so good, I filled right up.  I consciously stuffed myself with the meat, veg and potatoes so I didn’t want to consume any of our snacks stashed in our room for the journey home.

There wasn’t a bar available all day so I hadn’t consumed any alcohol. I had two teas, and two coffees at the wake (all with two sugars *oops*) lots  of water and some cranberry juice to drink.

It could’ve been so much worse!!

I was pleased with my day considering the state my nerves were in and how I would usually comfort eat in this situation.  I am finding keeping this food diary via my blog feature is helping me with my self-control, I hope it continues.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #4

Today was a crazy hectic day but I felt that I did well considering.

I weighed myself in the morning and had only put on 300g’s (134.7kg’s) which wasn’t too bad after my fail yesterday.  I decided that despite the busyness that awaited me I would try my best not to do as bad.  

Just over a week ago we drove down to West Sussex from Lancashire and we had lots of naughty snacks for the car.  Chocolate (not much though, I’m not really a chocolate fan) cheese sticks (you know the buttery bread stick kind?), stopped for Macdonald’s and other treats.  I drank lots of coca cola too so I had many calories.

Trolley Fun

This morning I went to the supermarket whilst my hubster was at work to buy the snacks for the journey and was deliberate about not buying as much junk this time.  I bought some organix snacks and yoghurt covered raisins etc. for Judah, and some chicken bites (just little flavoured bits of chicken breast), snack a jacks, that sort of thing for myself and the hubby.  I hadn’t had breakfast but instead of going through the Macdonald’s Drive-Thru (very tempting) I had a pack of chicken bites (pretty much just protein). *first win*

I had only had about 2 hours sleep last night as we were up late packing, and Eden struggled to settle, so I then went through the Starbucks Drive-Thru for a triple shot skinny vanilla latte.  I needed caffeine if I was to do the long drive ahead of me, I also had a blueberry muffin *mini fail*

As I’m writing this I realise I didn’t eat the most healthy today *oops* but there were so many opportunities where I could’ve (and usually would have) been so much worse, so I am happy with my little wins along the way.

When I had picked up the hubster and we were setting off on our at least 6 hour journey, he wanted KFC for lunch.  This just seemed like a really bad idea to me, but, I had a mini fillet and a popcorn snack box.  Normally I would consume one of the big box meals, large, with gravy,  and usually towered, with a large Pepsi.  So, I thought this was another mini win for myself.  We only stopped once on the motorway because Judah needed a nappy change and I needed caffeine.  Another triple shot skinny vanilla latte was consumed.  I resisted stopping for dinner in the hopes that it would prevent me eating an unhealthy service station meal (last time was a Burger King).  We arrived at the in laws in record time and they had just bought fish and chips, so that’s what we had for dinner.  Again, not ideal but wasn’t my choice and I did leave half a battered fish instead of demolishing everything.  Another mini win by my standards.

I’m not going to weigh myself as we are away from home now for a few days, but I am hoping to see positive results by the time we return.

I will leave you with the lovely view I had whilst consuming my Starbucks earlier today….

Hmm…. Blueberry

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #3

Today has been a massive failure of gargantuan proportions.  It all started off so well, we had weight watchers bacon (you know the type with all the fat cut off) and fried (in fry-lite) eggs for breakfast.  Slimming World friendly. Then…… I began my tasks for the day.

*uh oh*

Funeral Favours

I had to go to the retail park to buy Haribo as I was making funeral favours to take down South with us tomorrow.  James’ cousin was a HUGE sweet lover so I thought it would be nice to have these at the wake.

I determined that it would just be a quick outing so I would not take the Bugaboo Donkey as it’s not as quick to assemble from the back of our Toyota Yaris as the micralite superlite.  So, I figured I would just wear Eden in the baby björn.

Baby Wearing

I had just been to fill up the car with petrol before our long drive tomorrow and when I arrived at the till at Poundland I realised I had left my bank card with the hubster, not before I’d emptied the entire contents of my handbag on the counter (twice).  So, I bought what I could with the pound coins in the car I keep for parking, then left to get my bank card back from James.  After, a big rant and then some laughs at myself I returned back to the retail park and purchased the rest of the sweets I needed, and also bought some clothes for Judah and Eden from Next and Mamas & Papas!  I have a severe shopping problem when it comes to the children so I need to be restrained.  However, having to push a stroller and wear a baby did not deter this avid shopper.  I will post pics of the children in my purchases on Wednesday for the funeral.  

I decided it had been a stressful morning and therefore Judah and I deserved a quick lunch (before I had to get on) *fail number 1*

We went through the Macdonald’s drive thru and I had a plain (no lettuce or mayo) chicken legend meal – large *ahem* (hangs head) with a coke *sigh*.  Judah had a chicken nugget Happy Meal. (See my post on Fast Food Mommy

At this point, aside from failing my own challenge to avoid these food short cuts, especially for Judah, I reasoned that this wasn’t too bad a failure.  I had weighed myself again in the morning (after breakfast) and had lost weight AGAIN somehow (134.4kg’s).  We arrived home, munched our lunch and then I cracked on making the favours.

The baby ate it, not me!

I managed to resist any and all sweets whilst making the favours, Judah munched some though.  Then proceeded with some housework, collected the mister from work and then took him out for dinner *fail number 2*.  I thought if we just had the Macdonald’s slip up at lunch and I had a healthy dinner it wouldn’t be too bad…. However, we ended up at Frankie & Benny’s (wouldn’t blame you if you never read my blog again).  

I had potato skins with BBQ chicken & sweetcorn to start, some of Judah’s cheesy garlic bread & the chicken parmigiana for my main.  Two glasses of Pepsi. *sad face*

I enjoyed my food but writing it down in this post now makes me feel sad, I failed big time.  Tomorrow I will begin again.  The scales will probably show my failure when I weigh myself tomorrow morning.

This face makes me feel better though….

Judah enjoying his Spaghetti

In the words of Scarlet O’Hara ‘after all, tomorrow is another day’

Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #2

Ok, so today has been a difficult day.  The hubby and I are both lacking in energy and it is so easy to want fast-food or take-away when you are genuinely exhausted and can’t be bothered to cook.  Although, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we NEVER have any energy is, yes, because we have 4 children under 7, but also, because we don’t eat properly.  Every morning we get up and are “too busy” to have breakfast we are setting ourselves up to fail.

Sunday’s are hectic for us because as a family we go to church.  Not just that though, we serve at church – I am on the worship team and my husband serves on the kids team.  This means that we need to be there an hour and a half before the service starts.  Yes, you may think we’re crazy for doing that with 4 children, but we really enjoy it.  We love doing it, the only problem is the logistics of an early start.

This morning I showered Eden (3 months), then Judah (20 months), then Shayla-Rae (4) in the shower with me and then whilst I was breast-feeding Eden and drying Shayla’s hair, Isis (7) had her shower.   So, as I headed out of the house I realised that although the children had been fed, I had forgotten to eat any breakfast AGAIN. *fail*

I weighed myself this morning, I don’t want to get unhealthy with it (mentally I mean) but just out of curiosity (I’ll need to keep an eye on this if I become obsessive) and I now weigh 135.1kg’s.  1.7kg’s less than yesterday?  I fluctuate so much when I’m bigger as you’ll see.  

Today I have eaten : no breakfast *fail*, leftovers from our slimming world effort yesterday for lunch, and some leftovers from another days slimming world effort (a very small plate) straight after lunch as I was still hungry…. oh and one piece of bread with butter on whilst I was waiting for the second leftovers to heat up in the microwave (see what I mean about missing out on breakfast being a bad start to the day).

For my evening meal I have had a Vishake, I desperately wanted to order some takeaway as I feel rubbish and James had taken Judah down for food and made himself something too.  Just noodles which he deemed unhealthy and said I wouldn’t want, but I had to take to blogging to avoid getting take-away menu’s out.

I have drank today : a swig of the coca cola again before I ordered the hubster to remove the demon drink from my sights and he poured it down the sink for me.  This may seem drastic but sugar is so addictive and I can drink a 2 litre bottle of full fat coke a day if I get into the habit of it, and that is thousands of calories right there.  I then had some cranberry and raspberry juice (which is also pure sugar but I’m trying to get some vitamins into my system due to the constant illness, one battle at a time eh?) and I’ve also drank some water.

I am now going to go downstairs and continue with packing up the living room (we move in 10 days) so as to avoid the temptation to order anything.  I must stress I am not hungry right now, I just feel low on energy, and I want to avoid packing.  Ordering take out in this instance would be my go to move.  I will pack until I’m so tired I fall asleep.

Thanks for listening to my rumblings, they have aided my avoidance of ordering food.

Lots of love

Alexandra

xxx

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #1

Today I bought my first pair of size 26 jeans… Yep, you read it right…. Size Twenty-Six.  I have NEVER been this big in my life, I didn’t even weigh this 9 months pregnant with Eden.  I realised CHANGE has to come.

 I could blame many things, there are a lot of genuine contributing factors as to how it got this bad, not the least of which is how crippled I am in pregnancy, pretty much unable to move out of bed due to hyper mobility (all my joints dislocating) and severe SPD.  Hyperemesis preventing me from eating pretty much anything other than dry food such as bread, chips, crips, crackers etc.  Two pregnancies in quick succession, but Eden is now 15 weeks old.  I had lost all my pregnancy weight (17 kg’s) from Judah 2 weeks after he was born, and the first week I was pretty much bed bound in hospital.  

I have decided as humiliating as it is (for me, this is hugely out of my comfort zone), I am going to document my progress, wins and fails in this feature ‘Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey’.

I currently weigh : 136.8kg’s

I ate today : no breakfast *fail*, a big portion of chicken and mushroom pasta (a Morrisons special) for lunch, and a tomato and meatball slimming world special (cooked by my lovely hubby) for dinner.  Although, don’t think he realised that because the meatballs weren’t lean meat it wasn’t strictly slimming world.

I drank today : some cranberry and raspberry fruit juice (only enough to wash down the 2 doses of Sudafed I’ve consumed, we all keep being ill), an extra shot of espresso Costa Coffee mocha latte, and some coca cola that was still on my bedside table left over from the takeaway we had last night.  

I have no issue with people who are bigger built and this feature is not set up to offend anyone but my poor joints are suffering *badly* and I want to be able to play with my babies as they grow up.  I used to teach dance and have a size 6 waist for goodness sake, my frame was not designed to carry this much weight.

So, I am going to keep an accurate, honest account through this feature and hope that it helps others out there too…. even if it’s just by knowing that you are not alone, others feel the way you do.

Let’s see what happens …

Size 26