Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #10

I am having to blog these retrospectively as I have been up to my eyes in moving house.

It is now 3:30 in the morning and I have no internet yet here, can’t connect to my phone as it has decided to die, but I figured I’ll blog now, post it to the web later when I can find a connection.

I’m sat in the bath blogging because I can’t sleep.  Moving house not long after moving churches has been hard.  My husband doesn’t drive and he couldn’t get any time off work, so although he is amazing when he’s here, he just hasn’t been able to be around.  The church is my social connection.  Obviously, when you have children your social structure changes.  No longer am I able to ‘party’ with the people who basically were my drinking buddies and you just lose contact.  Some of my drinking buddies were Mum’s but they were single Mum’s who, although I know it wasn’t their ideal, they had learnt the joys of shared custody, meaning there were nights they had free to not feel like a Mum and go out.  This is when single girl I, would see them.

Anyway, I ate :

Breakfast

Monday…..Monday…..racking my brain….,vi shake, I think?

Lunch

Left over lasagne that my mum had made.

Dinner

Left over Chinese from Sunday evening, duck and pancakes basically.

I had like zero energy to help my hubby with packing, got myself all in a tizz.  Ended up sending him to the shop for the dreaded coca cola so I could have a sugar rush and help with packing.  I also had quite a bit of pro plus that day and a Costa coffee.

I’m just going to post the whole week now then I can begin afresh next post.

Tuesday

Breakfast – McDonald’s Big Breakfast meal, came straight back up with the stress of packing me thinks

Lunch – chicken burger (plain), chips and curry sauce from the chippy.  My mum didn’t want me to have the stress of making lunch just before we moved.

Dinner – some chicken breast (packet from sainsbury’s) on a bread roll as I couldn’t find any cutlery or anything for that matter as the movers were still delivering boxes.

Wednesday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia from McD’s 

Lunch – Pizza Hut buffet (I treated my mum as we’d been on our knees scrubbing the old house all morning) it’s my mum’s fave.

Dinner – Chinese takeaway at our new house. Couldn’t find my wok to start cooking the meal I’d bought ingredients for.

Thursday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia from McD’s 

Lunch – mushroom and ricotta pasta with creme fraiche and cheese sauce

Dinner – Chinese again (not good)

Friday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia (I made at home)

Ridiculously stressful morning with estate agents and being ripped off by people, had a chocolate tea cake at Costa coffee

Lunch – felt like I was doing ok despite the adversity til now, I went on a Macdonald’s binge, I had a chicken legend meal (plain) large, and 20 nuggets.  I felt sick but just kept eating, really, really bad.  Totally my response to extreme stress.  Had just found out all the scrubbing on my hands and knees with my mum for the last few days was pointless and that we were going to lose a few hundred pounds on our deposit anyway.  Long story, but this is where it all went wrong.

Dinner – Chinese (AGAIN) it was mine and the hubby’s anniversary and it had been a terrible day.  I didn’t dare try a different restaurant after the day we’d had so just stuck with this takeaway, as it’s the only one we know at the new address that we like.

Saturday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia

Lunch – pasta (tagliatelle) with stir in carbonara sauce from sainsbury’s

Dinner – lasagne portion from my mum’s house (she gave me in a container so I didn’t have to cook, house still in massive uproar)

Sunday

Breakfast – felt very very sick.  Had a couple of bags of crisps, supposed to be healthy rye ones.  I had thrown up so just wanted something dry.

Lunch – pasta with stir in tomato and mascarpone sauce from sainsbury’s 

Dinner – oh yes, you’ve guessed it, Chinese again, but then I was sick, so no more Chinese for me.  Being I’ll has put me off it.

As you can see a terrible week as far as dieting/healthy eating is concerned.  It was a terrible week in general though.  At least, we are in our new home now that we love, even if it is in uproar.

I haven’t dared face the scales yet *petrified* – maybe tomorrow, sorry guys.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #3

Today has been a massive failure of gargantuan proportions.  It all started off so well, we had weight watchers bacon (you know the type with all the fat cut off) and fried (in fry-lite) eggs for breakfast.  Slimming World friendly. Then…… I began my tasks for the day.

*uh oh*

Funeral Favours

I had to go to the retail park to buy Haribo as I was making funeral favours to take down South with us tomorrow.  James’ cousin was a HUGE sweet lover so I thought it would be nice to have these at the wake.

I determined that it would just be a quick outing so I would not take the Bugaboo Donkey as it’s not as quick to assemble from the back of our Toyota Yaris as the micralite superlite.  So, I figured I would just wear Eden in the baby björn.

Baby Wearing

I had just been to fill up the car with petrol before our long drive tomorrow and when I arrived at the till at Poundland I realised I had left my bank card with the hubster, not before I’d emptied the entire contents of my handbag on the counter (twice).  So, I bought what I could with the pound coins in the car I keep for parking, then left to get my bank card back from James.  After, a big rant and then some laughs at myself I returned back to the retail park and purchased the rest of the sweets I needed, and also bought some clothes for Judah and Eden from Next and Mamas & Papas!  I have a severe shopping problem when it comes to the children so I need to be restrained.  However, having to push a stroller and wear a baby did not deter this avid shopper.  I will post pics of the children in my purchases on Wednesday for the funeral.  

I decided it had been a stressful morning and therefore Judah and I deserved a quick lunch (before I had to get on) *fail number 1*

We went through the Macdonald’s drive thru and I had a plain (no lettuce or mayo) chicken legend meal – large *ahem* (hangs head) with a coke *sigh*.  Judah had a chicken nugget Happy Meal. (See my post on Fast Food Mommy

At this point, aside from failing my own challenge to avoid these food short cuts, especially for Judah, I reasoned that this wasn’t too bad a failure.  I had weighed myself again in the morning (after breakfast) and had lost weight AGAIN somehow (134.4kg’s).  We arrived home, munched our lunch and then I cracked on making the favours.

The baby ate it, not me!

I managed to resist any and all sweets whilst making the favours, Judah munched some though.  Then proceeded with some housework, collected the mister from work and then took him out for dinner *fail number 2*.  I thought if we just had the Macdonald’s slip up at lunch and I had a healthy dinner it wouldn’t be too bad…. However, we ended up at Frankie & Benny’s (wouldn’t blame you if you never read my blog again).  

I had potato skins with BBQ chicken & sweetcorn to start, some of Judah’s cheesy garlic bread & the chicken parmigiana for my main.  Two glasses of Pepsi. *sad face*

I enjoyed my food but writing it down in this post now makes me feel sad, I failed big time.  Tomorrow I will begin again.  The scales will probably show my failure when I weigh myself tomorrow morning.

This face makes me feel better though….

Judah enjoying his Spaghetti

In the words of Scarlet O’Hara ‘after all, tomorrow is another day’

Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #2

Ok, so today has been a difficult day.  The hubby and I are both lacking in energy and it is so easy to want fast-food or take-away when you are genuinely exhausted and can’t be bothered to cook.  Although, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we NEVER have any energy is, yes, because we have 4 children under 7, but also, because we don’t eat properly.  Every morning we get up and are “too busy” to have breakfast we are setting ourselves up to fail.

Sunday’s are hectic for us because as a family we go to church.  Not just that though, we serve at church – I am on the worship team and my husband serves on the kids team.  This means that we need to be there an hour and a half before the service starts.  Yes, you may think we’re crazy for doing that with 4 children, but we really enjoy it.  We love doing it, the only problem is the logistics of an early start.

This morning I showered Eden (3 months), then Judah (20 months), then Shayla-Rae (4) in the shower with me and then whilst I was breast-feeding Eden and drying Shayla’s hair, Isis (7) had her shower.   So, as I headed out of the house I realised that although the children had been fed, I had forgotten to eat any breakfast AGAIN. *fail*

I weighed myself this morning, I don’t want to get unhealthy with it (mentally I mean) but just out of curiosity (I’ll need to keep an eye on this if I become obsessive) and I now weigh 135.1kg’s.  1.7kg’s less than yesterday?  I fluctuate so much when I’m bigger as you’ll see.  

Today I have eaten : no breakfast *fail*, leftovers from our slimming world effort yesterday for lunch, and some leftovers from another days slimming world effort (a very small plate) straight after lunch as I was still hungry…. oh and one piece of bread with butter on whilst I was waiting for the second leftovers to heat up in the microwave (see what I mean about missing out on breakfast being a bad start to the day).

For my evening meal I have had a Vishake, I desperately wanted to order some takeaway as I feel rubbish and James had taken Judah down for food and made himself something too.  Just noodles which he deemed unhealthy and said I wouldn’t want, but I had to take to blogging to avoid getting take-away menu’s out.

I have drank today : a swig of the coca cola again before I ordered the hubster to remove the demon drink from my sights and he poured it down the sink for me.  This may seem drastic but sugar is so addictive and I can drink a 2 litre bottle of full fat coke a day if I get into the habit of it, and that is thousands of calories right there.  I then had some cranberry and raspberry juice (which is also pure sugar but I’m trying to get some vitamins into my system due to the constant illness, one battle at a time eh?) and I’ve also drank some water.

I am now going to go downstairs and continue with packing up the living room (we move in 10 days) so as to avoid the temptation to order anything.  I must stress I am not hungry right now, I just feel low on energy, and I want to avoid packing.  Ordering take out in this instance would be my go to move.  I will pack until I’m so tired I fall asleep.

Thanks for listening to my rumblings, they have aided my avoidance of ordering food.

Lots of love

Alexandra

xxx

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Bad Mums Club #1 : fast food Mommy

Bad Mums Club #1 : Fast Food Mommy

When I started weaning my 20 month old after breast feeding exclusively for 6 months, I had bought myself a few Annabel Karmel books and followed to the letter her steps for weaning and made everything from fresh that passed my baby’s lips.  Once he hit about 10 months I was very unwell with hyperemesis and 3 months pregnant with his sister and he started to live on the Ella’s Kitchen pouches.  I had researched and determined they were the best for him and the most comparable if I wasn’t going to be able to cook for him.  He only stopped breast feeding when I was so bad in my pregnancy I couldn’t hold him to feed.  He was so used to having my expressed milk that he started biting me as it was like he’d forgotten how to feed.  I got to the point where I couldn’t express anymore as I was too unwell and wasn’t getting out anywhere near enough for him.  I only premise this to give you an idea of how far I have fallen in my own sights.

In our household for the past 2 months now we have all been so unwell, myself included and I have just been completely lacking in energy.  Obviously Eden is only 3 months old now and so memories of me being stuck in bed very unwell whilst pregnant and those depressed feelings have come back very quickly whilst being too unwell to do much.

This has resulted in me driving my hubby to work and then heading in the car straight to my mum’s house (on days she’s not working) so that I can have some help with the babies.  As soon as I get in the car I realise I haven’t eaten or sometimes even fed Judah.  Eden feeds from me so I then feel guilty for my quality of milk and encourage myself to eat…….*enter stage left* – Macdonald’s Drive Thru.  It is literally 2 mins away from my house and on the way to my parents there is another one, so even when I’ve sometimes managed to avoid it, by the time I’ve been driving half an hour and the hunger pangs have set in, I end up buying at the other branch.

Sometimes when I’ve been in the car running errands the only thing that stops me going back at lunch time is the sheer horror that the staff will recognise me and my car from the breakfast run, then pure shame forces me to make other arrangements.  

I have made drastic changes recently to this pattern of behaviour since a few weeks ago my little boy 20 months old started saying ‘pease pease’ whenever he saw those Golden Arches as he knew they meant food.  So horrified was I, I have been now trying to avoid this pattern.  He also recognises take away bags as dinner time.  I don’t want him to grow up with issues with food, I’m all for a treat but the pattern formed recently in our house must stop.

However, this week with all the motorway driving and stress of bereavement I am a fully paid up member of the Bad Mums Club.

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