Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #10

I am having to blog these retrospectively as I have been up to my eyes in moving house.

It is now 3:30 in the morning and I have no internet yet here, can’t connect to my phone as it has decided to die, but I figured I’ll blog now, post it to the web later when I can find a connection.

I’m sat in the bath blogging because I can’t sleep.  Moving house not long after moving churches has been hard.  My husband doesn’t drive and he couldn’t get any time off work, so although he is amazing when he’s here, he just hasn’t been able to be around.  The church is my social connection.  Obviously, when you have children your social structure changes.  No longer am I able to ‘party’ with the people who basically were my drinking buddies and you just lose contact.  Some of my drinking buddies were Mum’s but they were single Mum’s who, although I know it wasn’t their ideal, they had learnt the joys of shared custody, meaning there were nights they had free to not feel like a Mum and go out.  This is when single girl I, would see them.

Anyway, I ate :

Breakfast

Monday…..Monday…..racking my brain….,vi shake, I think?

Lunch

Left over lasagne that my mum had made.

Dinner

Left over Chinese from Sunday evening, duck and pancakes basically.

I had like zero energy to help my hubby with packing, got myself all in a tizz.  Ended up sending him to the shop for the dreaded coca cola so I could have a sugar rush and help with packing.  I also had quite a bit of pro plus that day and a Costa coffee.

I’m just going to post the whole week now then I can begin afresh next post.

Tuesday

Breakfast – McDonald’s Big Breakfast meal, came straight back up with the stress of packing me thinks

Lunch – chicken burger (plain), chips and curry sauce from the chippy.  My mum didn’t want me to have the stress of making lunch just before we moved.

Dinner – some chicken breast (packet from sainsbury’s) on a bread roll as I couldn’t find any cutlery or anything for that matter as the movers were still delivering boxes.

Wednesday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia from McD’s 

Lunch – Pizza Hut buffet (I treated my mum as we’d been on our knees scrubbing the old house all morning) it’s my mum’s fave.

Dinner – Chinese takeaway at our new house. Couldn’t find my wok to start cooking the meal I’d bought ingredients for.

Thursday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia from McD’s 

Lunch – mushroom and ricotta pasta with creme fraiche and cheese sauce

Dinner – Chinese again (not good)

Friday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia (I made at home)

Ridiculously stressful morning with estate agents and being ripped off by people, had a chocolate tea cake at Costa coffee

Lunch – felt like I was doing ok despite the adversity til now, I went on a Macdonald’s binge, I had a chicken legend meal (plain) large, and 20 nuggets.  I felt sick but just kept eating, really, really bad.  Totally my response to extreme stress.  Had just found out all the scrubbing on my hands and knees with my mum for the last few days was pointless and that we were going to lose a few hundred pounds on our deposit anyway.  Long story, but this is where it all went wrong.

Dinner – Chinese (AGAIN) it was mine and the hubby’s anniversary and it had been a terrible day.  I didn’t dare try a different restaurant after the day we’d had so just stuck with this takeaway, as it’s the only one we know at the new address that we like.

Saturday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia

Lunch – pasta (tagliatelle) with stir in carbonara sauce from sainsbury’s

Dinner – lasagne portion from my mum’s house (she gave me in a container so I didn’t have to cook, house still in massive uproar)

Sunday

Breakfast – felt very very sick.  Had a couple of bags of crisps, supposed to be healthy rye ones.  I had thrown up so just wanted something dry.

Lunch – pasta with stir in tomato and mascarpone sauce from sainsbury’s 

Dinner – oh yes, you’ve guessed it, Chinese again, but then I was sick, so no more Chinese for me.  Being I’ll has put me off it.

As you can see a terrible week as far as dieting/healthy eating is concerned.  It was a terrible week in general though.  At least, we are in our new home now that we love, even if it is in uproar.

I haven’t dared face the scales yet *petrified* – maybe tomorrow, sorry guys.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #9

I am getting really good at the whole not snacking thing now.  I am getting even better at trying to be good and being more healthy choice conscious.  You may not think so when you see my food diary’s but I know my usual patterns and how stressful my life is right now, with the recent funeral and moving house.  It would usually be so much worse.

Sundays

We attend church, usually two services, morning and evening.  More recently we’ve just been managing to get to one with everything that has been going on and just pure exhaustion.  I miss it though, I LOVE church, it is one of my most favourite places to be.  I serve on the music team singing vocals.  This means when I’m rostered on an early start.  I have to set off at 8:30 to be there for 8:45 ready to sound check at 9am.  Not too bad, but when it’s the one day of the week society tells you ‘you can have a lie in’ and you’re up at 6 trying to get everything done and all four children showered and dressed nicely, as well as fed before you leave, it can seem a rush.  Most weeks we feed the children and the hubby and I forget to eat Sunday morning.  This week I had a Vi shake, they are a meal replacement shake that contain all the nutrients that you need.  So…

Breakfast – Vi Shake

Lunch – mince, carrots, potatoes, onions, courgettes and mushroom stew that had been placed in the slow cooker by my helpful mother whilst we were packing up to move the day before.  I had two small bowls full and 4 *i know* pieces of buttered bread with it.

I had determined that this was perfectly acceptable as I’d rather be full with bread and stew than snack on other rubbish, and I was fully intending to consume another vi shake for my evening meal.  However…

Dinner – Chinese takeout *oops* our friends came round who have recently had a new baby boy ‘Rowan’ how cute.  We offered them some of our abundant stew but they have been receiving meals from friends in their church and told us they were sick of stew and would prefer take out.  So we ordered a take out.  It was one of those times where I genuinely joined in to be sociable but even as I’m typing this now I know they were close enough friends that they wouldn’t have been offended if I hadn’t eaten with them.  I could’ve had another bowl of stew or even my intended vi shake and they wouldn’t have thought twice about it.  However, I had half a portion of boiled rice with the Mr, those chips that I really, really need to stop ordering, and a chicken curry.  I ate a handful of prawn crackers and one of the free portion of salt and pepper chicken wings.

I have decided this week I’m not going to weigh myself until the end of the week.  Let’s see how this affects my mindset and how I get on….

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #7

I didn’t weigh myself yesterday, not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I wanted to see how detrimental my night at the Indian had been, but I was just so busy packing and driving home etc. it didn’t get done.  Probably just would’ve depressed me anyways.  

Here’s what I ate :

Breakfast

Two pieces of toast with extremely salted butter (the inlaws)

Lunch

Cheese and ham sandwiches as made by the mother in law for our car journey

Dinner

After all that driving, I ventured out in the evening to collect our parcels from various depots with my ID etc.  I just took the documents I needed though, and only when I arrived to collect something healthy to much like a roast chicken and some salad from Morrisons did I realise I didn’t have my bank card with me *fail*.  I just went home and informed the hubby, I would not be venturing out again as I was exhausted.  So, it was the hubby’s choice and we ordered a kebab.  I had a plain chicken kebab.  The only thing naughty was the garlic sauce I had on it, and the bread overload I ended up consuming by default.  I deliberately didn’t order any naan or chips this time *wink*, see I’m learning.

Snacks

I pretty much resisted, my husband was consuming a pack of sour cream and chive snack a jacks (you know, the crisp effort ones) and I had four of those.  Not bad going for a day full of driving.  We resisted any food or snacks when we stopped at services.  Just had strong coffee!!

Drinks

A bit cheeky, I had 2 vanilla macchiato’s with an extra shot of espresso in each one when we stopped at services.  I also consumed water, and some ocean spray cranberry juice.  Still off the coca cola!!!

Hoping when I weigh myself for the next post it’s a positive result, but the objective is just to keep going!!

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #6

After being so good on Wednesday with what I ate, I hadn’t lost any weight that day, although I hadn’t put any on either, so I can’t complain.  Not good to weigh yourself daily really, I just wanted to assess what’s going on as I try and establish a routine, especially as I’m keeping this food diary at the moment.  It’s really easy to see where I went wrong and to avoid that again.  I did realise though that I’d lost half a stone in the first 5 days, pretty good going.  Scary how big I am though, that I can lose half a stone and not really even be able to tell in my clothes *oops*.  Oh well, just need to keep going.

My husband and I were so exhausted after the emotional day before so it would’ve been very easy to spend the day in bed, but, we decided that it is so rare for us to be able to get any time together without pressure to do other things that we would seize the opportunity whilst we were here at the inlaws.  

It was really sunny in the morning, so we took the Bugaboo Donkey and off we went to the seaside (about 100yards from my inlaws front door).  

I had already consumed some buttered toast, but I was sniffing out for a strong coffee.  The hubby fancied a cafe breakfast so we ventured to find somewhere.  It was difficult to find a quaint little cafe that we could navigate with the Donkey.  We also needed to find somewhere I could comfortably and discreetly feed Eden.  In the end we found somewhere that wasn’t ideal but just about managed to hit the criteria.  

James had a large breakfast, and I ordered Judah and I an omelette with ham, cheese, bacon and onion.  It was served with salad and chunky oven chips, which was bizarre at 11am, but luckily Judah consumed most of the chips to spare me the extra calories.

After this big meal we didn’t need a lunch, the babies fell asleep as we set off to the Pier to find some fun rides for Judah.  So, instead we had his and hers ice-creams.  

James chose bubblegum sauce so that his was blue (for a boy) bless him, he’s not normally so geeky but I think the excitement of us getting a day together was going to his head.

We sat on the pier and had a lovely snuggle up on a bench as the babies slept.  Then the fog started coming in (have you seen on the news?) so we wandered inland for another coffee.  I had a frappe latte in Nero, needed to feed Eden again, with an extra shot of espresso to keep myself awake.

In the evening we were taking James’ mum out to celebrate her birthday that had been the week before, it had unfortunately been clouded by everybody’s grief, including her own.  So we wanted to take her out after the funeral, just to give her something nice to do.  She chose a little Italian, I had determined that it wouldn’t be too bad and I would endeavour to find something healthy to eat.  The Italian was closed though *boo*.  So we ended up at a lovely little Indian called ‘le Spice’ the food and staff were amazing if you’re ever in Worthing, West-Sussex.  They were very helpful with the double buggy, friendly with Judah, even when he poured James’ cobra beer all over the table *dismayed*.  Eden slept all the way through but I’m sure if I’d needed to nurse her there wouldn’t have been any awkwardness.

This however, was not ideal for my trying to eat healthier.  Although, I made some good choices and some bad… I resisted a starter (hmm… bhaji’s, pakora) only drank water, chose and then consumed a less saucy dish, I had garlic chicken (never had at an Indian before, but I wasn’t really in the mood for a curry, I usually love it, but just didn’t fancy it). I had my main with special rice (egg and peas) and some chips (again *hangs head*) as Judah loved dipping them in the various curries available on the table.  I also had garlic naan, delicious.  So, not very successful on the healthy eating front.  I could try and justify it as it was a special occasion, but I could’ve quite easily avoided the naan and chips and had as delicious a meal, with less calories.

Scared to weigh myself today, I was happy with my half a stone weight loss so far, but I guess it’s a journey and I need to remember to make better choices.

We have booked our holiday now though *excited face* so I have an extra incentive to be good.  So exciting!  Wish me luck.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #5

Today I awoke at my in-laws with a funeral ahead of me.  It was bizarre, we all wanted to give our best and it was like we were getting ready to go to a wedding.  The hubby dashed out at 9am to the nearest barbers to get his hair cut.  We all wanted to look our best for Richard.  I said I wouldn’t weigh myself whilst we were away, but my in-laws have some good digital scales, so after my shower I wondered if the day before (fish and chips) had done much damage.  

133.4kg’s, 1.3kg loss again.  I felt spurred on to keep being as good as I could.  4 crumpets with butter were consumed for breakfast (I was VERY hungry), lunch was 2 tiny finger sandwiches of ham and lettuce at the wake, with 2 mini scones covered in strawberries and cream.  I resisted the Haribo favours I had made two days previous and the multiple biscuits on offer.

After the crematorium we returned to my husband’s auntie and uncle’s (the parents of our lost loved one) and what hadn’t been consumed at the funeral parlour were being passed out again (biscuits/scones).  I managed to resist but when we got in the car to return to the in-laws I told my husband I needed to eat something before I carried out the binge that my body (and nerves) were so desperately craving.  I was hungry but had been resisting filling that void with rubbish.

I had some toast when we arrived back in and then for dinner, my mother in law had put a delicious steak casserole in the slow cooker.  It was so good, I filled right up.  I consciously stuffed myself with the meat, veg and potatoes so I didn’t want to consume any of our snacks stashed in our room for the journey home.

There wasn’t a bar available all day so I hadn’t consumed any alcohol. I had two teas, and two coffees at the wake (all with two sugars *oops*) lots  of water and some cranberry juice to drink.

It could’ve been so much worse!!

I was pleased with my day considering the state my nerves were in and how I would usually comfort eat in this situation.  I am finding keeping this food diary via my blog feature is helping me with my self-control, I hope it continues.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #4

Today was a crazy hectic day but I felt that I did well considering.

I weighed myself in the morning and had only put on 300g’s (134.7kg’s) which wasn’t too bad after my fail yesterday.  I decided that despite the busyness that awaited me I would try my best not to do as bad.  

Just over a week ago we drove down to West Sussex from Lancashire and we had lots of naughty snacks for the car.  Chocolate (not much though, I’m not really a chocolate fan) cheese sticks (you know the buttery bread stick kind?), stopped for Macdonald’s and other treats.  I drank lots of coca cola too so I had many calories.

Trolley Fun

This morning I went to the supermarket whilst my hubster was at work to buy the snacks for the journey and was deliberate about not buying as much junk this time.  I bought some organix snacks and yoghurt covered raisins etc. for Judah, and some chicken bites (just little flavoured bits of chicken breast), snack a jacks, that sort of thing for myself and the hubby.  I hadn’t had breakfast but instead of going through the Macdonald’s Drive-Thru (very tempting) I had a pack of chicken bites (pretty much just protein). *first win*

I had only had about 2 hours sleep last night as we were up late packing, and Eden struggled to settle, so I then went through the Starbucks Drive-Thru for a triple shot skinny vanilla latte.  I needed caffeine if I was to do the long drive ahead of me, I also had a blueberry muffin *mini fail*

As I’m writing this I realise I didn’t eat the most healthy today *oops* but there were so many opportunities where I could’ve (and usually would have) been so much worse, so I am happy with my little wins along the way.

When I had picked up the hubster and we were setting off on our at least 6 hour journey, he wanted KFC for lunch.  This just seemed like a really bad idea to me, but, I had a mini fillet and a popcorn snack box.  Normally I would consume one of the big box meals, large, with gravy,  and usually towered, with a large Pepsi.  So, I thought this was another mini win for myself.  We only stopped once on the motorway because Judah needed a nappy change and I needed caffeine.  Another triple shot skinny vanilla latte was consumed.  I resisted stopping for dinner in the hopes that it would prevent me eating an unhealthy service station meal (last time was a Burger King).  We arrived at the in laws in record time and they had just bought fish and chips, so that’s what we had for dinner.  Again, not ideal but wasn’t my choice and I did leave half a battered fish instead of demolishing everything.  Another mini win by my standards.

I’m not going to weigh myself as we are away from home now for a few days, but I am hoping to see positive results by the time we return.

I will leave you with the lovely view I had whilst consuming my Starbucks earlier today….

Hmm…. Blueberry

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #2

Ok, so today has been a difficult day.  The hubby and I are both lacking in energy and it is so easy to want fast-food or take-away when you are genuinely exhausted and can’t be bothered to cook.  Although, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we NEVER have any energy is, yes, because we have 4 children under 7, but also, because we don’t eat properly.  Every morning we get up and are “too busy” to have breakfast we are setting ourselves up to fail.

Sunday’s are hectic for us because as a family we go to church.  Not just that though, we serve at church – I am on the worship team and my husband serves on the kids team.  This means that we need to be there an hour and a half before the service starts.  Yes, you may think we’re crazy for doing that with 4 children, but we really enjoy it.  We love doing it, the only problem is the logistics of an early start.

This morning I showered Eden (3 months), then Judah (20 months), then Shayla-Rae (4) in the shower with me and then whilst I was breast-feeding Eden and drying Shayla’s hair, Isis (7) had her shower.   So, as I headed out of the house I realised that although the children had been fed, I had forgotten to eat any breakfast AGAIN. *fail*

I weighed myself this morning, I don’t want to get unhealthy with it (mentally I mean) but just out of curiosity (I’ll need to keep an eye on this if I become obsessive) and I now weigh 135.1kg’s.  1.7kg’s less than yesterday?  I fluctuate so much when I’m bigger as you’ll see.  

Today I have eaten : no breakfast *fail*, leftovers from our slimming world effort yesterday for lunch, and some leftovers from another days slimming world effort (a very small plate) straight after lunch as I was still hungry…. oh and one piece of bread with butter on whilst I was waiting for the second leftovers to heat up in the microwave (see what I mean about missing out on breakfast being a bad start to the day).

For my evening meal I have had a Vishake, I desperately wanted to order some takeaway as I feel rubbish and James had taken Judah down for food and made himself something too.  Just noodles which he deemed unhealthy and said I wouldn’t want, but I had to take to blogging to avoid getting take-away menu’s out.

I have drank today : a swig of the coca cola again before I ordered the hubster to remove the demon drink from my sights and he poured it down the sink for me.  This may seem drastic but sugar is so addictive and I can drink a 2 litre bottle of full fat coke a day if I get into the habit of it, and that is thousands of calories right there.  I then had some cranberry and raspberry juice (which is also pure sugar but I’m trying to get some vitamins into my system due to the constant illness, one battle at a time eh?) and I’ve also drank some water.

I am now going to go downstairs and continue with packing up the living room (we move in 10 days) so as to avoid the temptation to order anything.  I must stress I am not hungry right now, I just feel low on energy, and I want to avoid packing.  Ordering take out in this instance would be my go to move.  I will pack until I’m so tired I fall asleep.

Thanks for listening to my rumblings, they have aided my avoidance of ordering food.

Lots of love

Alexandra

xxx

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