Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #10

I am having to blog these retrospectively as I have been up to my eyes in moving house.

It is now 3:30 in the morning and I have no internet yet here, can’t connect to my phone as it has decided to die, but I figured I’ll blog now, post it to the web later when I can find a connection.

I’m sat in the bath blogging because I can’t sleep.  Moving house not long after moving churches has been hard.  My husband doesn’t drive and he couldn’t get any time off work, so although he is amazing when he’s here, he just hasn’t been able to be around.  The church is my social connection.  Obviously, when you have children your social structure changes.  No longer am I able to ‘party’ with the people who basically were my drinking buddies and you just lose contact.  Some of my drinking buddies were Mum’s but they were single Mum’s who, although I know it wasn’t their ideal, they had learnt the joys of shared custody, meaning there were nights they had free to not feel like a Mum and go out.  This is when single girl I, would see them.

Anyway, I ate :

Breakfast

Monday…..Monday…..racking my brain….,vi shake, I think?

Lunch

Left over lasagne that my mum had made.

Dinner

Left over Chinese from Sunday evening, duck and pancakes basically.

I had like zero energy to help my hubby with packing, got myself all in a tizz.  Ended up sending him to the shop for the dreaded coca cola so I could have a sugar rush and help with packing.  I also had quite a bit of pro plus that day and a Costa coffee.

I’m just going to post the whole week now then I can begin afresh next post.

Tuesday

Breakfast – McDonald’s Big Breakfast meal, came straight back up with the stress of packing me thinks

Lunch – chicken burger (plain), chips and curry sauce from the chippy.  My mum didn’t want me to have the stress of making lunch just before we moved.

Dinner – some chicken breast (packet from sainsbury’s) on a bread roll as I couldn’t find any cutlery or anything for that matter as the movers were still delivering boxes.

Wednesday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia from McD’s 

Lunch – Pizza Hut buffet (I treated my mum as we’d been on our knees scrubbing the old house all morning) it’s my mum’s fave.

Dinner – Chinese takeaway at our new house. Couldn’t find my wok to start cooking the meal I’d bought ingredients for.

Thursday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia from McD’s 

Lunch – mushroom and ricotta pasta with creme fraiche and cheese sauce

Dinner – Chinese again (not good)

Friday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia (I made at home)

Ridiculously stressful morning with estate agents and being ripped off by people, had a chocolate tea cake at Costa coffee

Lunch – felt like I was doing ok despite the adversity til now, I went on a Macdonald’s binge, I had a chicken legend meal (plain) large, and 20 nuggets.  I felt sick but just kept eating, really, really bad.  Totally my response to extreme stress.  Had just found out all the scrubbing on my hands and knees with my mum for the last few days was pointless and that we were going to lose a few hundred pounds on our deposit anyway.  Long story, but this is where it all went wrong.

Dinner – Chinese (AGAIN) it was mine and the hubby’s anniversary and it had been a terrible day.  I didn’t dare try a different restaurant after the day we’d had so just stuck with this takeaway, as it’s the only one we know at the new address that we like.

Saturday

Breakfast – bagel with Philadelphia

Lunch – pasta (tagliatelle) with stir in carbonara sauce from sainsbury’s

Dinner – lasagne portion from my mum’s house (she gave me in a container so I didn’t have to cook, house still in massive uproar)

Sunday

Breakfast – felt very very sick.  Had a couple of bags of crisps, supposed to be healthy rye ones.  I had thrown up so just wanted something dry.

Lunch – pasta with stir in tomato and mascarpone sauce from sainsbury’s 

Dinner – oh yes, you’ve guessed it, Chinese again, but then I was sick, so no more Chinese for me.  Being I’ll has put me off it.

As you can see a terrible week as far as dieting/healthy eating is concerned.  It was a terrible week in general though.  At least, we are in our new home now that we love, even if it is in uproar.

I haven’t dared face the scales yet *petrified* – maybe tomorrow, sorry guys.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #8

I’ve lost a stone!! Wahoo!!  What a great way to mark the end of week one.

If you have been following this week you will see that I haven’t actually been that good with my eating.  I’ve had Macdonald’s, KFC, an Indian, a kebab.  I’ve been snacking a lot less, in fact nearly not at all, cut out coca cola, and as I’ve been feeling a bit more well in myself, I haven’t been stuck in bed all the time.

Today I ate :

Breakfast – 4 pieces of toast

Lunch – a cheese, ham and turkey sandwich.

Dinner – yummy lasagne my Mum made for whilst we were packing (I had two helpings).

Snack – a handful of the mini sour cream and chive snack a jacks again.  I shared the pack with Judah.

I drank – cranberry juice, water

I now weigh 130.1kg’s.

1 stone down, about 10 to go (no joke, I can’t even tell that I’ve lost weight yet.

Sleepy now from packing all day.  Off to bed before I start wanting to order takeaway because I’m shattered and in need of energy.  Old habits die hard.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #7

I didn’t weigh myself yesterday, not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I wanted to see how detrimental my night at the Indian had been, but I was just so busy packing and driving home etc. it didn’t get done.  Probably just would’ve depressed me anyways.  

Here’s what I ate :

Breakfast

Two pieces of toast with extremely salted butter (the inlaws)

Lunch

Cheese and ham sandwiches as made by the mother in law for our car journey

Dinner

After all that driving, I ventured out in the evening to collect our parcels from various depots with my ID etc.  I just took the documents I needed though, and only when I arrived to collect something healthy to much like a roast chicken and some salad from Morrisons did I realise I didn’t have my bank card with me *fail*.  I just went home and informed the hubby, I would not be venturing out again as I was exhausted.  So, it was the hubby’s choice and we ordered a kebab.  I had a plain chicken kebab.  The only thing naughty was the garlic sauce I had on it, and the bread overload I ended up consuming by default.  I deliberately didn’t order any naan or chips this time *wink*, see I’m learning.

Snacks

I pretty much resisted, my husband was consuming a pack of sour cream and chive snack a jacks (you know, the crisp effort ones) and I had four of those.  Not bad going for a day full of driving.  We resisted any food or snacks when we stopped at services.  Just had strong coffee!!

Drinks

A bit cheeky, I had 2 vanilla macchiato’s with an extra shot of espresso in each one when we stopped at services.  I also consumed water, and some ocean spray cranberry juice.  Still off the coca cola!!!

Hoping when I weigh myself for the next post it’s a positive result, but the objective is just to keep going!!

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #6

After being so good on Wednesday with what I ate, I hadn’t lost any weight that day, although I hadn’t put any on either, so I can’t complain.  Not good to weigh yourself daily really, I just wanted to assess what’s going on as I try and establish a routine, especially as I’m keeping this food diary at the moment.  It’s really easy to see where I went wrong and to avoid that again.  I did realise though that I’d lost half a stone in the first 5 days, pretty good going.  Scary how big I am though, that I can lose half a stone and not really even be able to tell in my clothes *oops*.  Oh well, just need to keep going.

My husband and I were so exhausted after the emotional day before so it would’ve been very easy to spend the day in bed, but, we decided that it is so rare for us to be able to get any time together without pressure to do other things that we would seize the opportunity whilst we were here at the inlaws.  

It was really sunny in the morning, so we took the Bugaboo Donkey and off we went to the seaside (about 100yards from my inlaws front door).  

I had already consumed some buttered toast, but I was sniffing out for a strong coffee.  The hubby fancied a cafe breakfast so we ventured to find somewhere.  It was difficult to find a quaint little cafe that we could navigate with the Donkey.  We also needed to find somewhere I could comfortably and discreetly feed Eden.  In the end we found somewhere that wasn’t ideal but just about managed to hit the criteria.  

James had a large breakfast, and I ordered Judah and I an omelette with ham, cheese, bacon and onion.  It was served with salad and chunky oven chips, which was bizarre at 11am, but luckily Judah consumed most of the chips to spare me the extra calories.

After this big meal we didn’t need a lunch, the babies fell asleep as we set off to the Pier to find some fun rides for Judah.  So, instead we had his and hers ice-creams.  

James chose bubblegum sauce so that his was blue (for a boy) bless him, he’s not normally so geeky but I think the excitement of us getting a day together was going to his head.

We sat on the pier and had a lovely snuggle up on a bench as the babies slept.  Then the fog started coming in (have you seen on the news?) so we wandered inland for another coffee.  I had a frappe latte in Nero, needed to feed Eden again, with an extra shot of espresso to keep myself awake.

In the evening we were taking James’ mum out to celebrate her birthday that had been the week before, it had unfortunately been clouded by everybody’s grief, including her own.  So we wanted to take her out after the funeral, just to give her something nice to do.  She chose a little Italian, I had determined that it wouldn’t be too bad and I would endeavour to find something healthy to eat.  The Italian was closed though *boo*.  So we ended up at a lovely little Indian called ‘le Spice’ the food and staff were amazing if you’re ever in Worthing, West-Sussex.  They were very helpful with the double buggy, friendly with Judah, even when he poured James’ cobra beer all over the table *dismayed*.  Eden slept all the way through but I’m sure if I’d needed to nurse her there wouldn’t have been any awkwardness.

This however, was not ideal for my trying to eat healthier.  Although, I made some good choices and some bad… I resisted a starter (hmm… bhaji’s, pakora) only drank water, chose and then consumed a less saucy dish, I had garlic chicken (never had at an Indian before, but I wasn’t really in the mood for a curry, I usually love it, but just didn’t fancy it). I had my main with special rice (egg and peas) and some chips (again *hangs head*) as Judah loved dipping them in the various curries available on the table.  I also had garlic naan, delicious.  So, not very successful on the healthy eating front.  I could try and justify it as it was a special occasion, but I could’ve quite easily avoided the naan and chips and had as delicious a meal, with less calories.

Scared to weigh myself today, I was happy with my half a stone weight loss so far, but I guess it’s a journey and I need to remember to make better choices.

We have booked our holiday now though *excited face* so I have an extra incentive to be good.  So exciting!  Wish me luck.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #5

Today I awoke at my in-laws with a funeral ahead of me.  It was bizarre, we all wanted to give our best and it was like we were getting ready to go to a wedding.  The hubby dashed out at 9am to the nearest barbers to get his hair cut.  We all wanted to look our best for Richard.  I said I wouldn’t weigh myself whilst we were away, but my in-laws have some good digital scales, so after my shower I wondered if the day before (fish and chips) had done much damage.  

133.4kg’s, 1.3kg loss again.  I felt spurred on to keep being as good as I could.  4 crumpets with butter were consumed for breakfast (I was VERY hungry), lunch was 2 tiny finger sandwiches of ham and lettuce at the wake, with 2 mini scones covered in strawberries and cream.  I resisted the Haribo favours I had made two days previous and the multiple biscuits on offer.

After the crematorium we returned to my husband’s auntie and uncle’s (the parents of our lost loved one) and what hadn’t been consumed at the funeral parlour were being passed out again (biscuits/scones).  I managed to resist but when we got in the car to return to the in-laws I told my husband I needed to eat something before I carried out the binge that my body (and nerves) were so desperately craving.  I was hungry but had been resisting filling that void with rubbish.

I had some toast when we arrived back in and then for dinner, my mother in law had put a delicious steak casserole in the slow cooker.  It was so good, I filled right up.  I consciously stuffed myself with the meat, veg and potatoes so I didn’t want to consume any of our snacks stashed in our room for the journey home.

There wasn’t a bar available all day so I hadn’t consumed any alcohol. I had two teas, and two coffees at the wake (all with two sugars *oops*) lots  of water and some cranberry juice to drink.

It could’ve been so much worse!!

I was pleased with my day considering the state my nerves were in and how I would usually comfort eat in this situation.  I am finding keeping this food diary via my blog feature is helping me with my self-control, I hope it continues.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #3

Today has been a massive failure of gargantuan proportions.  It all started off so well, we had weight watchers bacon (you know the type with all the fat cut off) and fried (in fry-lite) eggs for breakfast.  Slimming World friendly. Then…… I began my tasks for the day.

*uh oh*

Funeral Favours

I had to go to the retail park to buy Haribo as I was making funeral favours to take down South with us tomorrow.  James’ cousin was a HUGE sweet lover so I thought it would be nice to have these at the wake.

I determined that it would just be a quick outing so I would not take the Bugaboo Donkey as it’s not as quick to assemble from the back of our Toyota Yaris as the micralite superlite.  So, I figured I would just wear Eden in the baby björn.

Baby Wearing

I had just been to fill up the car with petrol before our long drive tomorrow and when I arrived at the till at Poundland I realised I had left my bank card with the hubster, not before I’d emptied the entire contents of my handbag on the counter (twice).  So, I bought what I could with the pound coins in the car I keep for parking, then left to get my bank card back from James.  After, a big rant and then some laughs at myself I returned back to the retail park and purchased the rest of the sweets I needed, and also bought some clothes for Judah and Eden from Next and Mamas & Papas!  I have a severe shopping problem when it comes to the children so I need to be restrained.  However, having to push a stroller and wear a baby did not deter this avid shopper.  I will post pics of the children in my purchases on Wednesday for the funeral.  

I decided it had been a stressful morning and therefore Judah and I deserved a quick lunch (before I had to get on) *fail number 1*

We went through the Macdonald’s drive thru and I had a plain (no lettuce or mayo) chicken legend meal – large *ahem* (hangs head) with a coke *sigh*.  Judah had a chicken nugget Happy Meal. (See my post on Fast Food Mommy

At this point, aside from failing my own challenge to avoid these food short cuts, especially for Judah, I reasoned that this wasn’t too bad a failure.  I had weighed myself again in the morning (after breakfast) and had lost weight AGAIN somehow (134.4kg’s).  We arrived home, munched our lunch and then I cracked on making the favours.

The baby ate it, not me!

I managed to resist any and all sweets whilst making the favours, Judah munched some though.  Then proceeded with some housework, collected the mister from work and then took him out for dinner *fail number 2*.  I thought if we just had the Macdonald’s slip up at lunch and I had a healthy dinner it wouldn’t be too bad…. However, we ended up at Frankie & Benny’s (wouldn’t blame you if you never read my blog again).  

I had potato skins with BBQ chicken & sweetcorn to start, some of Judah’s cheesy garlic bread & the chicken parmigiana for my main.  Two glasses of Pepsi. *sad face*

I enjoyed my food but writing it down in this post now makes me feel sad, I failed big time.  Tomorrow I will begin again.  The scales will probably show my failure when I weigh myself tomorrow morning.

This face makes me feel better though….

Judah enjoying his Spaghetti

In the words of Scarlet O’Hara ‘after all, tomorrow is another day’

The Ordinary Moments #2

The Ordinary Moments #2

It was such a manic week for us last week with Shayla’s 4th birthday party and the in-laws staying. I am involved in so much social-action my mum is always telling me off (not because she’s against bettering our community, because I’m heavily pregnant). We are so busy all the time, and to be honest it means when I am still, and at home I’m pretty shattered and need to rest which isn’t ideal for Judah. As I’ve said before though, there wasn’t much I could do with him as I can’t get down to his level. Taking him places and letting him interact why other people and be sociable that way seems to have been the best I could do for him anyway. Well, now we have a car and I can take him places that is all about him so I’m looking forward to that.

This photo was taken on the morning of Shayla’s birthday. We were all just getting ready before the girls headed off to dance with the in-laws and I had to clean the house ready for her party. I took all the children downstairs to give them breakfast whilst the rest of the house was still dormant and decided to let Judah feed himself his cereal. It was the sweetest thing. He just felt like one of us, he had his bowl full of milk and Cheerios (I know… bad mum alert as they have sugar, he’s so thin though I figure what’s the harm? So long as I brush his teeth and it’s not too regular….. *excuses).

Well, there was no splashing the milk, tipping over his bowl, he just say there in his high chair and ate them all. At 14 months I have to say, I was so proud of him. May be pathetic to others out there but to me these ordinary moments are what life is all about. My little boy is growing up and there are still so many things I will get to watch for the first time. I love him so much.

Here’s Judah eating his Cheerios

Love

Alexandra
Xxxx

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