Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #5

Today I awoke at my in-laws with a funeral ahead of me.  It was bizarre, we all wanted to give our best and it was like we were getting ready to go to a wedding.  The hubby dashed out at 9am to the nearest barbers to get his hair cut.  We all wanted to look our best for Richard.  I said I wouldn’t weigh myself whilst we were away, but my in-laws have some good digital scales, so after my shower I wondered if the day before (fish and chips) had done much damage.  

133.4kg’s, 1.3kg loss again.  I felt spurred on to keep being as good as I could.  4 crumpets with butter were consumed for breakfast (I was VERY hungry), lunch was 2 tiny finger sandwiches of ham and lettuce at the wake, with 2 mini scones covered in strawberries and cream.  I resisted the Haribo favours I had made two days previous and the multiple biscuits on offer.

After the crematorium we returned to my husband’s auntie and uncle’s (the parents of our lost loved one) and what hadn’t been consumed at the funeral parlour were being passed out again (biscuits/scones).  I managed to resist but when we got in the car to return to the in-laws I told my husband I needed to eat something before I carried out the binge that my body (and nerves) were so desperately craving.  I was hungry but had been resisting filling that void with rubbish.

I had some toast when we arrived back in and then for dinner, my mother in law had put a delicious steak casserole in the slow cooker.  It was so good, I filled right up.  I consciously stuffed myself with the meat, veg and potatoes so I didn’t want to consume any of our snacks stashed in our room for the journey home.

There wasn’t a bar available all day so I hadn’t consumed any alcohol. I had two teas, and two coffees at the wake (all with two sugars *oops*) lots  of water and some cranberry juice to drink.

It could’ve been so much worse!!

I was pleased with my day considering the state my nerves were in and how I would usually comfort eat in this situation.  I am finding keeping this food diary via my blog feature is helping me with my self-control, I hope it continues.

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Depressed with Dieting : my baby weight loss journey #2

Ok, so today has been a difficult day.  The hubby and I are both lacking in energy and it is so easy to want fast-food or take-away when you are genuinely exhausted and can’t be bothered to cook.  Although, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we NEVER have any energy is, yes, because we have 4 children under 7, but also, because we don’t eat properly.  Every morning we get up and are “too busy” to have breakfast we are setting ourselves up to fail.

Sunday’s are hectic for us because as a family we go to church.  Not just that though, we serve at church – I am on the worship team and my husband serves on the kids team.  This means that we need to be there an hour and a half before the service starts.  Yes, you may think we’re crazy for doing that with 4 children, but we really enjoy it.  We love doing it, the only problem is the logistics of an early start.

This morning I showered Eden (3 months), then Judah (20 months), then Shayla-Rae (4) in the shower with me and then whilst I was breast-feeding Eden and drying Shayla’s hair, Isis (7) had her shower.   So, as I headed out of the house I realised that although the children had been fed, I had forgotten to eat any breakfast AGAIN. *fail*

I weighed myself this morning, I don’t want to get unhealthy with it (mentally I mean) but just out of curiosity (I’ll need to keep an eye on this if I become obsessive) and I now weigh 135.1kg’s.  1.7kg’s less than yesterday?  I fluctuate so much when I’m bigger as you’ll see.  

Today I have eaten : no breakfast *fail*, leftovers from our slimming world effort yesterday for lunch, and some leftovers from another days slimming world effort (a very small plate) straight after lunch as I was still hungry…. oh and one piece of bread with butter on whilst I was waiting for the second leftovers to heat up in the microwave (see what I mean about missing out on breakfast being a bad start to the day).

For my evening meal I have had a Vishake, I desperately wanted to order some takeaway as I feel rubbish and James had taken Judah down for food and made himself something too.  Just noodles which he deemed unhealthy and said I wouldn’t want, but I had to take to blogging to avoid getting take-away menu’s out.

I have drank today : a swig of the coca cola again before I ordered the hubster to remove the demon drink from my sights and he poured it down the sink for me.  This may seem drastic but sugar is so addictive and I can drink a 2 litre bottle of full fat coke a day if I get into the habit of it, and that is thousands of calories right there.  I then had some cranberry and raspberry juice (which is also pure sugar but I’m trying to get some vitamins into my system due to the constant illness, one battle at a time eh?) and I’ve also drank some water.

I am now going to go downstairs and continue with packing up the living room (we move in 10 days) so as to avoid the temptation to order anything.  I must stress I am not hungry right now, I just feel low on energy, and I want to avoid packing.  Ordering take out in this instance would be my go to move.  I will pack until I’m so tired I fall asleep.

Thanks for listening to my rumblings, they have aided my avoidance of ordering food.

Lots of love

Alexandra

xxx

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