Post Natal Depression

Post Natal Depression is an interesting thing.  I’ve not officially been diagnosed with it, but I have certainly been depressed.  The doctor’s have referred me to a Cognative Behavioural Therapist and counselling.  Counselling is a long waiting list (surprise, surprise) but I’ve been attending my sessions with my Doctor’s resident CBT.

The reason that I don’t think it is related to giving birth is because I was depressed before I got pregnant with JAM.  I already was attending counselling to deal with issues of sexual abuse as a child/teenager and my marriage had ended abruptly thanks to my ex-husbands penchant for domestic violence.  I stopped counselling when I was pregnant with JAM as I was really happy and I didn’t like the emotions that were rising up within me in my sessions.  I had read that although the baby didn’t necessarily feel what I felt, he would receive the same hormone surges as myself.  Counselling caused me great stress, and sometimes sadness so I decided to postpone until after he was born rather than giving him a weekly dose of cortisol.

post natal depression, baby in glasses

Once JAM was born obviously that brought it’s own stresses but I seemed to be coping.  We then committed to having the girls 4 days a week, so now I was a Mum of 3 for more than half a week every week.  My adopted brother was sectioned with Mental Health issues whilst I was planning Little Miss Rae Rae’s 3rd birthday party.  Then my adopted sister had the same happen to her the week of my 30th birthday (which is still uncelebrated with my side of the family as we’re waiting for her full recovery).  On top of all this, January 11th I had an early miscarriage.  I was only 6 weeks gone, which doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking, but practically it is a lot less invasive, the issue was that my hormones then went rogue.  Enough was enough, I was officially depressed.  I took myself off to the GP as I knew it was abnormal to want to die when I had a beautiful 6 month old that I adored.  Something had to be wrong.  So, I have been taking positive steps to deal with this ever since.

I wasn’t doing much in the day which was when I started blogging, but as I have been coming along with giant strides, I have struggled to find the time.  Today, I decided I wish to continue with the blogging and must begin to make it part of my routine.  Forgive me for my lack of blogging but I have managed to go out and do something, every day last week.  I have been gardening for disabled people, helping local youths on the bus project I work at, visiting my Mum with JAM.  Taking Ice to tap coaching classes, joining her PTA and meeting up with old friends.  I have come to this conclusion, I LOVE being busy.

I’ve been massively struggling to sleep, which is ironic because JAM has been sleeping brilliantly.  He is so much happier when I am out and about rather than struggling to entertain him because I can barely get out of bed.  What Daddy didn’t tell me is very proud of me, and the children are just so much happier.  Ice kept constantly telling me she loved me at the weekend, probably because she can feel how loved she is when I am happy and doing things for them (not to say that I ever stopped loving them, but when you’re numb it’s a lot harder to express that love).

Anyways, I guess this post is just to say, I am plodding on and will keep you guys informed how counselling and CBT goes etc.  At the moment I’m having to fill in a sleep diary and am still on the waiting list for counselling.  My aim is to continue blogging, so we’ll see how we go.

Happy Monday everyone!

what Mama didn’t tell me

xxx

Essential Spa Day in Manchester

Spa Day JAM

JAM at the trainstation

Today I took myself off to the Essential Spa in Manchester.  What Daddy didn’t tell me took the day off uni as I couldn’t leave the JAM with his Nana as my Mum is currently having to look after my sister.

I had bought myself a deal on the KGB deals website back in January and was pleasantly surprised when I remembered that this had been booked and paid for.  All I had to do was show up.  The deal was for a back, neck and shoulder massage, a deep cleansing facial, eye collagen boosting treatment and an Indian head massage.  This was a 90 minute package priced up individually at £155, I paid £29! oh yes!

After my recent miscarriage that I mentioned in a recent blog I was so grateful to have booked in for this treatment package.  What Daddy didn’t tell me and I are becoming a bit addicted to spa breaks.  We don’t go out drinking, we don’t smoke, we don’t do much really so it’s nice for us to be able to have a treat every now and again.  Ever since what Daddy didn’t tell me took me to the Titanic Spa (amazing) to propose back in January 2012 (there wasn’t much else he could do with me as I was pregnant with JAM) we take every opportunity we get to find a deal to go and relax whenever we get the chance.

We only recently stayed at the DeVere Village Urban Resort at Heron’s Reach in January.  This was booked as a get away from it all before telling people I was pregnant, but ended up being the week of my miscarriage so was a well timed break.  We both enjoyed a 30 min back massage, and facial over the course of our stay.  Viva Urban Spa uses the Dermatologica and Espa ranges.  What Daddy didn’t tell me opted for the Dermatologica range and I had the Espa based treatments.  I was hooked on the products and wished that we had some extra pennies for me to buy everything that was used on me.  Again, here we had booked a deal.  I paid £149 (as a treat for the hubster before his uni course recommenced) in total for both of us to have the treatments mentioned above, bed & breakfast (accommodation was lovely) and a 3 course meal in the Bucca Restaurant located in the hotel.

It all felt a bit overindulgent being at another spa so soon for my massages and facials but with the recent family stresses concerning my sister, I decided that I deserved it.  To be honest the worst part of the treatment at the Essential Spa was when the lovely lady ‘Laura’ (make sure you ask for her if you go, she was fantastic and clearly knew what she was doing) left me in the room for 15 mins with a mask on my face.  I could not remember the last time I just lay still for 15 mins, my mind was all over the place.  Just before she came back in I was about to get off the bed and go looking for her, I could not cope with the stillness.  I guess there’s just too much been going on recently, I couldn’t switch my brain off.  The rest of the package was stunning and very relaxing.  I left feeling refreshed and my skin looked and felt wonderful.  They use the Decleor range but I have to say I am still a massive Espa fan and look forward to having some extra pennies to buy their balancing products which are best for my combination skin.

If you are pregnant or a new mother, can I strongly recommend taking even 30 mins for yourself to go and get a massage or a facial.  KGB deals constantly has offers on all over the country (just look on their website for the closest city to you).  There are many websites that constantly have spa deals.

Every time I have had a massage I have informed them that I am a breastfeeding Mum and all the essential oils have been suitable for baby as they will pass through your milk slightly.  Happy hunting and I hope you take time for yourself.  I am already scouting out deals to pass off as my Mothers Day treat for next month.

Lots of love

what Mama didn’t tell me

xxx