The Ordinary Moments #4

The Ordinary Moments #4

This week is a bit of a strange one… we were doing an ordinary thing but it was a bit of an extraordinary moment for me.

We have stayed over at a friends house (it’s huge), the girls are in their own en-suite room and we are in ours with Judah in a travel cot.  The girls have lots of fun when we come to visit their friend Anna.  The house is so big and she has an outdoor play area bigger than most of the parks that we go to near us.  So they love coming here of course.

Last night Anna’s parents decided they were going to let off Chinese lanterns, each of the girls got to hold one and let them off into the atmosphere.  This was something children all over the world must’ve done at some point or another at New Year or a party.  The last time I did it was early October 2 years ago.

We had miscarried September 15th 2011 at 7 weeks (very early I know) but it was my first pregnancy with a man I was deeply in love with and excited to marry.  I had only known I was pregnant for about 8 days, but the bonding… oh the bonding.  It was instant.  I had trundled off to the nearest Sainsbury’s and bought lots of fruit and veg so that I could stock up and eat healthily so this little bundle would get the best nutrients I could give.

I wanted to give my family opportunity to partake in the release of a lantern so that we could say goodbye as my Mum and sister had also bonded very quickly with the idea of me being pregnant.  In fact, they refused to see the evidence in front of them when my body started to miscarry.  Telling me God wouldn’t let that happen, I’d had enough rubbish in my life etc.  but I knew, the writing was on the wall, God and I made our peace, as did my then fiancé James.

I conceived Judah just 10 days after I miscarried, there was no in between period or anything like that.  Obviously this was a fact I only found out when they dated me weeks later, but I had just found out that I was pregnant again when we finally had the family together to release this Chinese lantern on the park behind where we lived.

Watching Judah cheering for the lanterns being lit last night was such a normal thing for a little boy of 15 months to do.  For me though, it was so surreal.  I just kept thinking last time we did this I had just found out that he was inside of me.  I didn’t want to make a big deal in front of Anna’s parents, I nearly didn’t join them when they were releasing them, but I could hear the children’s joy.  As an aside when I miscarried this year in January we didn’t do anything like this, I was thinking last night about the little light that had gone too soon that we hadn’t marked in any way.  This is something James and I will do at a time appropriate to us and maybe in a different way this time.

Was so lovely watching the children enjoy releasing the lanterns, my husband wanted to watch until the lanterns couldn’t be seen anymore.  I said I wanted to go inside and imagine that they never went out, they just kept going, so I went inside to watch the Barbie movie with the girls and Judah.

Here’s my pitiful camera work of the girls letting off one of the lanterns (they look like they’re at a Spa day in their dressing gowns and slippers).  Thank you to mummydaddyme for this wonderful linky again.