What I Wore Wednesday

It’s Wednesday so I thought I would join in with transatlantic blonde and the gang.

So I wore …

What I Wore Wednesday

Purple satin top – Evans
Black wooly cardigan – New Look

I have been living in black leggings £4 from Primark since before JAM was born recently.  Not yet back into my normal jeans (shocking I know) and couldn’t bear to keep the Maternity ones I have been living in leggings.  I wore a purple satin long top from Evans, a silver peacock scarf from New Look.  A black cardigan my sister bought me for Christmas from New Look.  My well worn bailey button chestnut Uggs (it’s still just that bit too cold).

To make me feel a bit special I made sure I wore some jewellery as I couldn’t be bothered to dress up for what Daddy didn’t tell me and he was taking me out for a meal.

Necklace from my wedding jewellery a Debenhams designer that they don’t stock anymore. I love this necklace, it is very blingy and was perfect with my simple wedding dress but it seems to work with most outfits.  I can carry off chunky jewellery with my loud personality I guess but also, just make me feel a bit special.

On my right arm : Bracelet – Pandora with angel charm from my miscarriage, pram charm to symbolise JAM. Lots more charms to be added, I have been very specific with what Daddy didn’t tell me about which charms I want.  I want to tell a story that I can pass down to the girls so they all will represent a specific part of my life.  A bracelet symbolising God’s heart given to me for singing at a wedding in November.  On my left arm : Silver bracelet from my 30th Wedding present designed by my husband, made by local jeweller Janet Barber, (spoke about this in a previous blog) who also designed my 2ct engagement ring that is peeking in the photo.

I’m afraid it’s not an exciting first post to join in with ‘what I wore Wednesday’ but I was determined to make a start.

Also, might make me put more effort in next week 😉

Lots of love

what Mama didn’t tell me


what i wore weds



Essential Spa Day in Manchester

Spa Day JAM

JAM at the trainstation

Today I took myself off to the Essential Spa in Manchester.  What Daddy didn’t tell me took the day off uni as I couldn’t leave the JAM with his Nana as my Mum is currently having to look after my sister.

I had bought myself a deal on the KGB deals website back in January and was pleasantly surprised when I remembered that this had been booked and paid for.  All I had to do was show up.  The deal was for a back, neck and shoulder massage, a deep cleansing facial, eye collagen boosting treatment and an Indian head massage.  This was a 90 minute package priced up individually at £155, I paid £29! oh yes!

After my recent miscarriage that I mentioned in a recent blog I was so grateful to have booked in for this treatment package.  What Daddy didn’t tell me and I are becoming a bit addicted to spa breaks.  We don’t go out drinking, we don’t smoke, we don’t do much really so it’s nice for us to be able to have a treat every now and again.  Ever since what Daddy didn’t tell me took me to the Titanic Spa (amazing) to propose back in January 2012 (there wasn’t much else he could do with me as I was pregnant with JAM) we take every opportunity we get to find a deal to go and relax whenever we get the chance.

We only recently stayed at the DeVere Village Urban Resort at Heron’s Reach in January.  This was booked as a get away from it all before telling people I was pregnant, but ended up being the week of my miscarriage so was a well timed break.  We both enjoyed a 30 min back massage, and facial over the course of our stay.  Viva Urban Spa uses the Dermatologica and Espa ranges.  What Daddy didn’t tell me opted for the Dermatologica range and I had the Espa based treatments.  I was hooked on the products and wished that we had some extra pennies for me to buy everything that was used on me.  Again, here we had booked a deal.  I paid £149 (as a treat for the hubster before his uni course recommenced) in total for both of us to have the treatments mentioned above, bed & breakfast (accommodation was lovely) and a 3 course meal in the Bucca Restaurant located in the hotel.

It all felt a bit overindulgent being at another spa so soon for my massages and facials but with the recent family stresses concerning my sister, I decided that I deserved it.  To be honest the worst part of the treatment at the Essential Spa was when the lovely lady ‘Laura’ (make sure you ask for her if you go, she was fantastic and clearly knew what she was doing) left me in the room for 15 mins with a mask on my face.  I could not remember the last time I just lay still for 15 mins, my mind was all over the place.  Just before she came back in I was about to get off the bed and go looking for her, I could not cope with the stillness.  I guess there’s just too much been going on recently, I couldn’t switch my brain off.  The rest of the package was stunning and very relaxing.  I left feeling refreshed and my skin looked and felt wonderful.  They use the Decleor range but I have to say I am still a massive Espa fan and look forward to having some extra pennies to buy their balancing products which are best for my combination skin.

If you are pregnant or a new mother, can I strongly recommend taking even 30 mins for yourself to go and get a massage or a facial.  KGB deals constantly has offers on all over the country (just look on their website for the closest city to you).  There are many websites that constantly have spa deals.

Every time I have had a massage I have informed them that I am a breastfeeding Mum and all the essential oils have been suitable for baby as they will pass through your milk slightly.  Happy hunting and I hope you take time for yourself.  I am already scouting out deals to pass off as my Mothers Day treat for next month.

Lots of love

what Mama didn’t tell me


Some Things that I Love #2

Linking in with but why mummy why again this week.

Something I read: I am not a big reader at all, I have so many books that I intend to read and never really get around to.  I would say this week I read a lot of lyrics and chords.  I was leading the music at church this week, so actually made time to practice once through each day, to try and be prepared.  It has been a while since I led a band and wanted to get back on my game.  It went really well, but just a start really, need to practice at the piano more.

Something I watched : when I feel blue I tend to revert to watching Desperate Housewives in bed and what Daddy didn’t tell me knows that something is up.  I only watched a little last week which is a miracle in itself.  Spent some time spring cleaning and came across some movies we haven’t seen in a while.  Watched I love you Philip Morris‘ with the hubster curled up on the couch.  My brother bought it me 2 Christmases ago as it had Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor in it.  He had no idea of the plot, and neither did I.  What Daddy didn’t tell me and I watched it Jan 2012, were hideously shocked (not what we expected at all) and then haven’t looked at it since.  Gave it another whirl this week, but again, spent most of my time cringing.  I am not homophobic and have many gay/lesbian friends, just really struggle with how OTT the movie is.  It is funny though.  This year my brother bought me ‘Revolutionary Road‘, Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio?  Anyone seen it?  Directed by Sam Mendes.  Again, what Daddy didn’t tell me and I sat down to watch the romantic rekindling of the Titanic dynamic duo and were left severely depressed.  Not for the feint hearted.  We put it down to another classic film choice by my bro.  I have told him he needs to start reading the back, or at least get an idea of plot for next year (does tickle us though, and widen our movie knowledge).

Something I wore : my pyjamas 🙂 With family situations at crisis point (extended family not my little poppets), my nerves could not take it, and aside from trips to the doctors, CBT lady, and taking Ice to her tap class, I spent most of the week in my jim jams, especially when I was spring cleaning.  Don’t get me wrong I did get dressed in the week, just feel it’s fair to say the clothing I wore most last week was my pj’s.  Come on you know we all do it??  Or if you don’t, if you forget the (gasp) horror of it for a moment, you’ll be jealous… just saying 😉

Something that I listened to : as a former victim of domestic violence (my ex husband was a brut), it is difficult for me to watch some scenarios that are unfolding around me at the moment.  My sister is a mess at the moment due to emotional/mental abuse at the hands of someone who should’ve been protecting her.  Having a dance to Leona Lewis‘ new album ‘Glassheart‘ with JAM made me listen a bit more closely.  Most of the theme running through the album is that of domestic abuse.  I absolutely love ‘I to You’ cowritten by the lovely Emeli Sande, which I feel is very apt for current issues.  As someone who has lived through it and knows how twisted your thinking is at that time, I find this a fantastic thought provoker.  After listing all the things she would do for her partner the chorus makes you think ‘what am I to you? what am I to you? don’t tell me, don’t kill me now’.  Anyone going through domestic violence who would like to DM me on twitter @mamadidnttell I would be more than willing to chat to you.  It is difficult to get out of but so worth it!!!

Something I cannot live without : My Mum!  Oh yes, this week my Mum was an absolute hero rescuing my sister from hospital.  I am so pleased that I have a mother that will fight for us, even when we no longer live with her, or have husbands who should fight for us (not with us, see last paragraph).  She is amazing and actually worked a miracle this week against all the ideals of the doctors at the hospital.  I literally felt like I had my own Jack Bauer this week, who went into the hospital and convinced them to release my sister to her care.  My sister is doing so much better with my Mum and I know now she will make a full emotional recovery.  Wuhoo!! for Mum’s.

some things that i love

Here comes the Sun do do do do

So today the sun came out!!! wuhoo!!!  I’ve been battling depression since miscarrying January 11th and it was so nice to be able to go outside with my little boy and take him on the swing.  Some days it’s really difficult to get out and about but the sun seems to make it all seem so much easier.


JAM in the park

What daddy didn’t tell me was at university most of the day and normally I feel really low on a Monday whilst he disappears off for the day, but after a lovely lie in with little JAM (Well, a retreat back to bed at 9am after Daddy had gone out the door) we headed off to the park.

Found it irritating watching Mothers that didn’t seem too bothered about playing with their children all of a sudden interested when I was heading for the wing lol.  One child was trying to get into the swing, I could see from the whole walk up towards the park, as soon as I arrived at the swings (trying to work out.. who the child belonged to (aged 2-3), whether it was going to have a go on the swing, had it been in?  Mother then appeared and placed said child into the swing.  Probably over the top on my part, just found it irritating as there wasn’t anything else JAM could go on, so I watched as she then pretended to be interested and push this little girl until she started screaming, then it was our turn.

JAM had fallen asleep whilst we were waiting so I did something us mothers aren’t supposed to do, I woke him for his turn, as other children were positioning themselves to jump in front of me as he was sleeping.  Oops!!!  Well, he wasn’t happy for the first few seconds and I felt cruel as he whinged but I persisted to sit him in the swing, and moments later he was laughing everytime I pushed him.  So cute!!

Was thinking of starting a regular blog post ‘Meals I made Monday’, as I intend to make JAM’s meal batches on Monday mornings.  Today, I’m afraid ‘Meals I made Monday’ would only consist of a trip to the chip shop.  JAM ate bread and cheese for breakfast, banana and yoghurt for lunch and a few slices of apple for dinner as he wasn’t that hungry.  All our meals were late today due to our lie in.  It was not a typical day for us at all, but we had a lovely time.  He was so happy for most of the day and didn’t even want to go to Daddy when he returned which is unusual as he enjoyed my company so much.  Lately the poor thing has been so sick of my depression that he eagerly practically jumps in Daddy’s arms when he returns from uni.

I had promised What Daddy didn’t tell me that I would give him a massage tonight on my lovely new massage table (given to me by my inlaws).  It is a fantastic professional massage table and I set it all up with towels as I see them do at the Spa’s I frequent.  He was lovely and relaxed aside from the complaint against my background music, which was JAM waking up.  To finish Daddy’s massage I held JAM in the alternate arm that I didn’t need at the time.  Just kept swapping him over to do each side.  What Daddy didn’t tell me felt very relaxed but very guilty that I had massaged him whilst tending to the baby.  I just found it funny and definitely one for JAM’s baby book.  Didn’t expect that when I started out.

Now he’s slaying infidels on his ipod and I am sat here blogging, the wonders of romance.  Bed time for me now me thinks.

Good night bloggers

what Mama didn’t tell






JAM’s first pancakes – Vday

Really excited for Pancake Tuesday, not only because the girls love them (sigh, I don’t have them on a Tuesday) but because JAM gets to try his first pancakes.  I’ve been so fussy weaning him trying to make sure he only eats the best and making all his food from scratch so when I saw on twitter that Annabel Karmel had a pancake recipe for babies I was overjoyed. Yay!! JAM can join in.

What Daddy didn’t tell me made JAM a heart pancake, due to the fact that, by the time we got around to joining in with Pancake Day it was Vday.  Lol, took us 2 days to get around to making pancakes.  (It has been a crazy week).



We don’t really buy into Valentines Day, we were in Cyprus (Paphos) last year and the hotel didn’t do the overpriced roses or anything like that, so we kind of gave it a miss.  This year, we were expecting a lump of money through what Daddy didn’t tell me’s university, but they switched the dates to next week.  So, we didn’t have the cash to go spending Vday 2013 either.  To be honest, I’m inclined to agree with other posts I’ve read today, that making it about today just makes it commercial and we have 364 other days of the year to be romantic and treat each other.

What Daddy didn’t tell me and I spent some time in a scrabble battle (I won twice, lol, although I’m not sure if he was just letting me, hope not).  JAM enjoyed opening his presents and his heart pancakes.  I thoroughly enjoyed my heart pancakes too, which is as far romantic as we go today, aside from watching Wedding Crashers in bed and snuggling.  Haha, Wedding Crashers!!!  Romantic quote though ‘true love is your souls recognition of its counterpoint in another’.



JAM opening his Valentines Day card and gifts (also attacking his pancake).

It’s hilarious trying to plan a romantic time with your other half when there’s children involved, especially on a day of the year where any decent babysitters probably have a date of their own.  That’s why I’m inclined to agree with other bloggers that it’s all the other days of the year that count really.  As opposed to joining in with the commerical hype.

Most of my Valentines Day was spent tidying and taking Ice to her tap coaching class in the evening for her upcoming exam.  I had a really nice day but can’t say I specifically celebrated Vday.  Last year I had a surprise Valentines Day from what Daddy didn’t tell me in September I think.  I came home from a rehearsal, or the bus project that I’m involved in (a social action project with young people on more unfortunate estates nearby), to find a lovely meal, my foot spa at the ready, candles all over the house, and a nice back massage to finish with ;).  I much prefer the idea that at some point this year I may discover another surprise Vday.  I would love to plan something special too when I get the chance.  Need to make sure I make the effort to do so.

Will let you know, once I’ve planned and executed said evening.

I am now being summoned for lunch, love it when it’s not my turn to cook.

Pic of Ice at tap last night, she loves tap!!!  Really excited for her Exam??? lol


My Amazing Step-Daughters


I have the amazing privilege of being called Mummy by 2 beautiful girlies.  Ice (6) and Little Miss Rae Rae (3) have known me since Rae Rae was 18 months old, she will be 4 in September and that seems like such a massive age jump.  It’s been amazing to watch her grow and develop from a little cutie I took to the beach who would sit on the sand and just stare at it in her hands, to clambering at giant soft play centres that are just that tad too big for her but she is determined and manages to get around.

shay in sand

Rae Rae aged 20 months.


At her 2nd birthday party.

girls at our wedding

At our wedding Ice about to turn 6 and Rae Rae aged 2 and a half to the day.

Rae Rae took it upon herself to start calling me Mummy when I was away at the Nancy Goudie weekend at the end of last month.  She told what Daddy didn’t tell me that she missed Mummy.  He explained that when she returned to her Mum’s on the Sunday she would see Mummy.  She replied, ‘no, I miss other Mummy (insert my name)’, she missed me.

It occured to me, that I’ve never really been away from them every weekend since September and we had them for Christmas week.  Why wouldn’t she call me Mummy.  I buy them beautiful clothes, cook their meals (sometimes they cook with me), wash their hair, taught them to swim, take them on holiday, pay for their dance lessons and most of their free time away from nursery or school they are at what Daddy didn’t tell me and my home.

Ice has told me a few times that she’s going to call me Mummy, hers was more of a conscious effort though (I never asked them to), she took it upon herself to inform me that she didn’t want JAM to call me by my first name and would make sure he only heard me referred to as Mummy.  Very considerate for a 6 year old ;).  However, in practice this didn’t really work as she kept slipping and it was more natural for her to call me what she had been for the past 2 years.  Rae Rae on the other hand just naturally started calling me Mummy and now Ice has followed suit.  Aside from a few slips this weekend as my inlaws were up and referred to me by my first name to the girls, this is now what they call me.  Although it was a bit strange at first, it now feels normal and so lovely that it was their choice to do so.

shay cooking

Rae Rae waiting for Ice to get home as we were about to bake cookies.

There are so many things that I treasure doing with them and I completely love them and treat them as my own.  I wasn’t sure how it would pan out once JAM was born, but I think it was so instilled into me by this point that I treat them all equally.  I can’t say it isn’t a challenge, potty training was certainly interesting between 2 homes and complete lack of consistency but we got there.  (We had the girls for 10 days in the summer holidays, took them to Butlins when JAM was only 3 weeks old, crazy I know, but we just didn’t take any nappies and cracked it whilst we were away).

They are such precious individuals who fill me with joy constantly, especially at our sit at the piano singalong times (not Sound of Music esque, more Mummy has a wedding to sing at and they hear me practice so often they end up joining in, very cute).  Ice just passed her first Royal Academy of Dance Ballet exam and received her certificate this weekend so is very pleased with herself.  What Daddy didn’t tell me and I are very proud also.

I could carry on all day about these 2 and I’m sure there will be multiple posts in future regarding them so will leave you with some pics of Ice from her ballet exam.

Lots of love
What Mummy didn’t tell me


ices exam1ices exam2



Just Keep Feeding (Breastfeeding #1)



Oh yes, breastfeeding!!  Most expectant mothers intend to be breastfeeding Mums for at least the first couple of weeks to allow their baby to get all the goodness that they can from them.  It is not as easy as everyone makes out but it is more than attainable for the strong willed.

After a long conversation (nearly an hour and a half) with a friend, who is a new mother to a beautiful 24 day old girl, today, I decided to blog about the joys and woes of breastfeeding.  My friend is at the point that I remember well.  3 weeks in, you are screaming at your husband/partner ‘just get the Aptamil (insert brand of choice)’.  I was fortunate enough to have a friend who was expecting her 3rd and had breastfed her first 2 girls until they were aged 1+ who had told me, ‘just make it to 8 weeks, I promise it will get easier, just make it to 8 weeks’.  I found myself repeating this to my friend today, whose little girl is permanently attached as she goes through her first huge growth spurt and my friends milk begins to adjust.

To those who do not know, forgive me if I sound arrogant or presumptious, I did not know that this happened until it was explained to me by my Auntie who is a midwife.  (I was fortunate to be able to constantly call and harass her when I felt at crisis point, which was often over something trivial that felt huge at the time).  Breast milk is an amazing thing, it constantly adjusts to your babies need for sateity.  The milk that you produce for a 3 month old would not satisfy a 5 month old.  It adapts as your baby grows.  During this period of evolving it will feel as though your milk is not satisfying your baby anymore and you were not designed for breastfeeding.  It is correct that your milk is not satisfying your baby for very long and they will be on you constantly, usually for at least 2 days whilst your milk adapts and responds to the babies need.  Then it should calm again.  This happens every time that your baby has a growth spurt.

A lot of people give in and begin weaning at 4 months as they feel their milk is not enough anymore.  This may be true for some, although I strongly feel that the body is an amazing thing and if you hold out through the difficult days your milk will adapt and you can continue exclusively breastfeeding as per the WHO guidelines until 6 months.

I am so glad that I made it to the 8 weeks, it really did seem to click from then onwards.  No bottle warming, sterilising etc, there it is on tap whenever baby needs.  There are definitely advantages to bottle/formula feeding, most babies tend to sleep better after a full feed this way.  However, it depends on your viewpoint of what is best for your baby.  I personally feel it is great to let them have all the nutrients that only breastmilk can provide, whereas others may feel it is better for baby (and mother) to get a decent nights sleep.  Both are important for development/growth etc.

I am not belittling Mums that choose to bottle feed, I just wish to encourage those that feel as though it will never get easier to keep going.  If you are experiencing chapped nipples, I found the Lansinoh cream to be the best, and it’s great because you don’t need to wipe it off before baby feeds again.  It is baby friendly.  As Dory states in Finding Nemo about swimming, ‘just keep feeding’, it will get easier, I promise and there is such satisfaction in knowing you kept your baby alive all that time from the nourishment in your own body.

Lots of love

what Mama didn’t tell me